


It's Easier to Just Let Go

by ubertastic



Category: f(x)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Androgyny, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, F/F, Falling In Love, Femslash, Happy Ending, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-21
Updated: 2012-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 21:29:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/602278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ubertastic/pseuds/ubertastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Krystal's used to repressing her feelings, hiding who she really is. Amber's excellent at bringing her out of her shell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Easier to Just Let Go

They first meet in a gay bar. It’s one of those places that’s hidden on the least conspicuous floor of a nondescript building and hard to get to if you’re not looking for it, and that knowledge is the only thing reminding Krystal, through the dark lighting and the slightly drunken haze, that she isn’t being hit on by a man.

She’s used to getting hit on, so she can tell instantly that the woman is trying to be suave as she leans on the bar and looks at her through bangs that brush her eyebrows, but Krystal’s not drunk enough to forget the way she tripped on a bar stool to get over to her or the awkward way she danced with the sea of unfamiliar people.

Krystal’s not used, however, to getting hit on by women, so she revels in the feeling of openness it gives her. For the first time in her life, she feels like she can truly be herself, so she flirts back in kind.  
She wakes up the next morning with a mild headache and a new number in her phone. 

\--

Krystal vaguely remembers a friend from the year she spent studying abroad in America tell her that queer people just seemed to naturally gravitate towards each other. She doesn’t remember coming out to him, just that it happened and that he’d followed up with the same statement.

Spending time with him had been her first taste of complete openness. 

Amber introduces her to all a whole new world and a group of people she could have never imagined, and it reminds her of her American friend and the freedom she felt with him.

She enjoys her time with their “gay gang” so much, Sulli and Victoria complain that she’s acting distant. 

She brushes it off with practiced ease, and tells them that she met someone special. 

\-- 

They introduce Luna as their “straight friend,” and the casual inversion of an overused phrase reminds Krystal of how glad she is to have met these people.

Luna’s talkative, but her air of acceptance and friendliness helps Krystal understand how she came to be friends with Amber and her gang. When she nearly falls out of her chair laughing after Amber trips on her way back from the bathroom, Krystal sees how close they are.

It’s somehow both surprising and not to learn that they’ve been roommates for years, since university. They act like family, and, watching them jokingly bicker or tease each other, Krystal almost feels like she’s intruding. 

The intensity of Luna’s smile when she looks at her, though, stops her from wasting her time with such thoughts. 

\--

It’s a risk, but Krystal agrees to let her two groups of friends meet.

Sulli and Victoria have been pestering her about it for weeks, to the point where Krystal decides that it might just be easier to come out and get it over with.

Her friends take to the other group quickly and easily, so quickly and easily, in fact, that Krystal wonders why she was so worried about it. 

They meet at a restaurant, and by the time their food comes, Amber and Sulli are stealing each other’s food and bickering like siblings. Victoria and Jia spend most of the meal talking to each other in Chinese, and Krystal watches her friends, elated.

\--

Krystal doesn’t realize that Amber wants more than friendship from her until Min tells her one day over beers. It shocks Krystal so much, she chokes on her drink.

Min’s drunk, which is obvious if not from the slurred way she spoke as she dropped the bomb then from the clumsy way she smacks Krystal on the back to help stop her coughs. 

When Krystal can finally to breathe enough to talk, she manages to croak out “Are you serious?” before coughing a few more times for good measure.

The look Min gives her answers her question.

“I thought she had a thing with Tiffany,” Krystal argues. She takes another big gulp of her drink deciding this is a conversation she’d rather not have sober.

“Listen,” Min says, draping an arm over Krystal’s shoulders in a way that Krystal can’t tell is because Min wants to draw her close or because she can’t keep herself up. “Amber is a flirt.” 

Krystal rolls her eyes and is about to take another drink, but Min grabs her hand to stop her. The look in her eyes is far too earnest, and sober, for Krystal to handle, and she has to turn away in lieu of drinking more of her beer.

“Amber is a flirt,” Min repeats, “but she’s an honest and insecure flirt. And she’s been absolutely obsessed with you since she met you in that bar.”

When Krystal looks at her in surprise, about to open her mouth to protest, Min cuts her off. “I spent an hour on the phone with her yesterday convincing her that you wouldn’t be grossed out if she asked you out.”  
Krystal’s eyebrows scrunch together. “I thought I already made it obvious that I’m gay.”

“She’s worried you prefer feminine women,” Min answers, shrugging. “She’s hit and missed with too many girls that were either replacing her with a man or thought she looked too much like a man.” Min gives her a quick once-over. “She’s especially wary of the pretty, girly types like you, which, sadly enough, always happens to be the type of girls she falls for.”

“And Tiffany?”

Min lets go of Krystal’s hand to pick up her own drink again. “A friend. Now, God only knows how Tiff feels about her, but Amber’s a one-love-at-a-time kind of person, and she met you first. All the flirting’s really just false bravado.”

Krystal opens and closes her mouth like she should say something, but she can’t think of a single thing. She looks at Min, lost, and judging from the knowing smile on Min’s face, Min understands.

“Look,” she says, putting a hand on Krystal’s shoulder. “I’m not expecting you to return feelings you can’t, or do something that makes you uncomfortable. I’m just asking that you not rough the kid up too much. She’s fragile. Especially that damned left ankle of hers.”

\--

Surely enough, Krystal gets a text the next day asking if she wants have dinner. The words are light-hearted, but after her conversation with Min, the meaning behind them is anything but.

Before last night, Krystal had never considered a relationship with Amber (or anyone, really; she was still getting used to the idea of being out to people other than herself), so she spends most of her workday staring at the text and wondering how she should respond.

When she finally muster’s the courage to respond, she spends another fifteen staring at the on-screen keypad of her iPhone as Min’s words from the previous night run through her. It’s been hours since Amber texted her, and she knows that she should apologize for taking her time, but every time she punches a button, she hesitates and erases her progress. 

Her drafts range from cold to casual to all-too-welcoming, and she finally settles on something she hopes is friendly-but-not-outright-flirtacious.

Amber’s reply is saturated in emojis, as usual, and Krystal takes that as a good sign.

\--

Their first date is hilariously standard, though Krystal doesn’t mind how cliché it all is. 

The whole night reminds her of a cheap, romantic comedy, from the dinner at a somewhat-expensive restaurant to the walk around the streets at night. She supposes the only thing that would make it more scripted is if it were cold and she forgot to bring a heavy coat.

When they arrive at the front doors of her apartment, Krystal waits for Amber to finally makes some kind of move on her, and she’s surprised to find that Amber does nothing more than shift her weight awkwardly from foot to foot as she tells Krystal that she had a great time and that they should do it again.

Krystal finds herself strangely annoyed that that was all Amber had to say, and agrees without thinking about it. 

Amber’s overjoyed grin makes her chest clench.

\--  
The first time they kiss is clumsy, and it’s terribly endearing because Krystal knows they must both have plenty experience with kissing.

It happens after their third date, on the front steps of Krystal’s apartment building. Amber grips her shoulders nervously the whole time, and their general movements are as stilted and jerky as a pair of teenagers experiencing sexual attraction for the first time.

Krystal is reminded of the awkward kissing she sees in dramas all the time.

The kiss itself only lasts a few seconds, but they spend the next minute with their faces just parted, soaking in the moment. It’s only after a car alarm goes off behind them that they remember where they are and what they were doing. 

Amber lets go of her shoulders suddenly, as though she’s been burned, and gives her a sheepish smile as an apology. She leaves with the promise of a text message when she gets back home.

Krystal watches her walk away and desperately tries to stop her lips from tingling. 

\--

The first time they have sex is, in fact, Krystal’s first sexual experience, and the fact that her first time was with a woman only serves to validate what she spent many years denying.

When they’re done, Amber rolls over to face her and looks happier than Krystal’s sure she’s ever seen her.

“How was it?” Amber asks, her voice barely above a whisper. The smile on her face makes Krystal flush.

“I don’t exactly have prior experience to judge by,” Krystal shoots back, silently praying her face isn’t as red as it feels.

“A pretty girl like you?” The joking tone of Amber’s voice doesn’t stop Krystal from heating up at the compliment. “I’m surprised.”

Krystal rolls over, feeling shy and embarrassed and all sorts of things she thought she was too old to feel. “I spent most of my life pretending I’m not gay,” she explains, shivering when she feels Amber lightly stroke her bare arm. “But I couldn’t exactly force myself to do it with a guy.”

Amber scoots up closer to her and wraps an arm around her waist. When her mouth is mere centimeters from Krystal’s ear, she chuckles and plants a kiss behind it. “I never said that was a bad thing. I feel special, actually.”

The impulsive, romantic part of Krystal wants to whisper back “You are special,” but the rational, serious part stops her. Cold fear seeps into Krystal’s chest when she realizes she might be falling like a teenager, and she instinctively snuggles into Amber’s embrace to keep herself from shivering again.

Amber kisses her gently on the back of the neck in response, and pulls the covers tighter over them, as though she already knows what Krystal’s feeling. 

Krystal prays that she doesn’t.

\--

A week and a date after their first time, Krystal wonders when Amber is going to officially ask her to be her girlfriend. 

She always assumed that making it official came before sex, but it seems the longer she lives, the more of her assumptions prove false, like when she assumed she would marry a handsome man or when she assumed that the prospect of fame would be enough to push her through her trainee period. She has to agree that, despite being wrong about so many things, going out with women and her career as a concept manager are probably more rewarding than whatever she had planned for herself when she was thirteen. 

She spends the day after their sixth date checking her phone every five minutes, worried that the seemingly endless number of meetings she has that day will prevent from getting the text she’s waiting for. 

It doesn’t end up coming that day, or the next day, or the day after that, and Krystal’s so high-strung with anticipation that Sulli, Victoria, and her boss all comment on her mood. 

When she finally gets a text from Amber, it’s a cheerful greeting, not the “We need to talk” message she had planned on getting for the past few days. Reading it makes her want to throw her phone at the nearest wall. 

(It’s only self-control and the knowledge that her phone is the single most important part of her professional life that stops her.)

She responds calmly, a fact she prides herself on. She even continues the conversation civilly, despite how much she wants to yell at Amber for making her wait so long and not even following up. 

As the work day draws to a close, she’s not any less angry, and as she shoves folders and papers into her workbag, something catches the corner of her eye. When she looks up, she sees Amber holding bouquet out to her. The note, pointlessly large, reads “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Krystal slaps her before she takes the bouquet and kisses her in front of the whole office. The whole ordeal becomes one of their favorite stories to tell people. 

\--

After the scene at the office, Krystal decides it’s not worth keeping a huge part of her life secret from her friends any more. Besides, she reasons, they surely recognized Amber from the time they all met, and they surely noticed Krystal’s little display of affection.

She invites Victoria and Sulli out to lunch two days after she and Amber made it official, and, even though they normally get lunch together, she makes sure to point out that she has something very important to tell them this time. 

Neither one looks particularly surprised to see Amber already waiting for them at their usual restaurant, and when they all finally sit down and order, Victoria and Sulli are quick to pin her with knowing looks. 

Krystal almost balks at the idea of outright saying she’s gay, even though she’s already resolved to tell her friends everything. She chokes on the words as they work their way out of her throat, and right before Amber takes the chance to step it, Sulli beats them all to the punch.

“Krystal, Victoria and I don’t care that you’re gay,” she says solemnly, reaching a hand across the table to rub Krystal’s where it lies limply beside her untouched meal. 

Vitoria is close behind in her support. “We’re your best friends;” she tells her,” we’d hide a body for you. There’s no way we’d abandon you because of who you’re dating.”

Krystal sits in disbelief as relief washes over her and the tension drains out of her shoulders. Amber rubs her back in silent show of emotional solidarity, and she fights to hold back the tears that threaten to escape with her worry. 

“I love you guys, you know that right?” she jokes, chuckling in hopes of dissolving the serious mood. 

Sulli just laughs as she takes her hand away and picks up her chopsticks. “I thought you’re supposed to love Amber,” she responds jovially, before scrunching her nose. “Just not in public, okay? I don’t care that you’re both women, but I do not want to watch the two of you act all cute and couple-y.”

\--

Krystal honestly doesn’t understand how people can so frequently confuse Amber with a man. Amber might not look as feminine as someone like her or Victoria (Sulli has been debatable since her most recent haircut), but she’s not nearly as masculine as the members of the boy bands Krystal spends hours going through pictures of every day at work. 

There are advantages to the confusion that Krystal can’t deny, however, like when they go out, they never get bemused looks or angry glares if they hold hands. No one ever looks at them strangely when Amber carries her bags on shopping trips, and passersby never think anything of it when she pesters Amber to buy her things as they walk past stores. 

Rather, the typical response is cooing at how adorable they are or approval at how well they go together.

She brings it up once, while they’re out for dinner, and Amber just laughs.

“Did I ever tell you about the time a worker yelled at me for going into the women’s restroom?” Amber asks her. She chuckles and shakes her head at the memory.

“And it doesn’t bother you at all?” 

Amber shrugs and continues to eat. For a second, Krystal worries that Amber isn’t planning on answering her.

“Most of the time? Nah,” she finally replies, looking oddly pensive. “People’s reactions to the truth are always a hoot, too.”

Krystal opens her mouth to protest, though she’s not entirely sure what part gets to her the most. Amber grins slightly around the fork in her mouth, and stops Krystal right in her tracks. 

“I do like being affectionate in public without people giving us weird looks,” she says, “and I think holding hands and sneaking kisses is a little more important, and enjoyable, than expressing my femininity.”

Krystal shakes her head and laughs, poking Amber’s leg under the table with her foot. 

When she puts it like that, Krystal really can’t complain.

\--

“Your birthday’s in a week,” Krystal says one night as they both lie in bed waiting for sleep to come. 

Amber chuckles lightly, but she doesn’t open her eyes. “So it is.”

“Mine’s a month after that, and our six-month anniversary is somewhere in between,” Krystal continues.

It’s then that Amber turns to her. “What’s on your mind?” she asks.

“Sulli and Victoria already have something huge planned for me, and I’m sure Min and Jia have something for you, which means the only celebration the two of us get alone is our anniversary.”

“Krystal,” Amber says, so forcefully that Krystal stops muttering to look at her. “What are you thinking?”

Krystal flushes a little, as though she only just realized that she was speaking aloud. “I was deciding if we should go shopping for couple rings soon, or if we should wait until it’s been a year.”

Amber waits a beat as Krystal’s words sink in before she’s laughing and pulling Krystal closer to her. Krystal flushes a full red and beats at Amber’s arms and chest indignantly. 

“What’s the big deal? I didn’t say anything funny!” Krystal protests, struggling as Amber tries to wrap her arms around her.

“Did I say something was funny?” Amber replies easily, grinning extra-wide in victory as she presses Krystal’s body close enough against her to prevent any further resistance. “I thought it was cute.”

Krystal pouts at her, but the blush on her face is burning strong at the compliment. “You have a funny way of showing it.”

Amber grins again and pecks her on the lips. “Would you rather I show you a different way?” she asks, waggling her eyebrows and fully expecting a smack for the suggestion. She doesn’t expect the thin arms  
reciprocating her hug or the full lips meeting hers, and she lets out a grunt of surprise as Krystal shifts to straddle her as she lies on the bed.

“I have been doing a lot of thinking tonight,” Krystal starts, grinning almost maliciously to contrast the suddenly sheepish expression on Amber’s face. “I’d be open to a few of your ideas.”

“Couple rings now,” Amber manages to squeak out as Krystal’s hands start feeling their way over her body. She closes her eyes and tries to focus on forming words instead of the feeling of Krystal’s lips on her collarbone. “I don’t think either of us have plans to break up any time soon.”

Krystal works her way back up Amber’s body until she’s sucking at the pulse point where her neck meets her head.

“I was thinking the exact same thing.”

**Author's Note:**

> There can always be more femslash in the f(x) tag.
> 
> ~~There can always be more femslash in general.~~


End file.
